Saturday, 21 January 2012

my moment.....

It all began, my imagination ran wild. A thousand thoughts pierced through my cerebral cortex. Even more images flashed before my eyes. Finally it was here, this was my moment.

I could not help but smile as a chill ran down my spine plaguing my whole body with goosebumps and sending it into shiver. I thought of the past and the uncertainty of the future. Even as I pondered, I could not help but smile. I lay on my bed gazing at the ceiling yet my thoughts were beyond the stars. The silence of the room suited me perfectly and the secret that I held gave me a sense of power.

They say the truth shall set you free yet it had held me bondage. The day I had found it out was the day my soul was shattered into bits like the pieces of a broken mirror. Chains of misery, despair, fear and depression held me tight, keeping me prisoner in my own body night and day. How I had rued that moment, preferring ignorance. But as I look back at it now, it had truly been my liberator. Life has always dealt me a heavy hand. This I thought had changed when I met her. Her smile captivated me and soon enough we were married. Things unfortunately did not change. A series of job retrenchments and failures left her doubting the very essence of my manhood. One affair after another followed. The day I caught her in the act felt like the end of the world. She, however, had no shame, no remorse. I didn't file for divorce, I loved her and because of it I soldiered on. As the years of our marriage dragged on, so did the gradual diminish of our love until it became a mutual form of co-existence. I never saw her smile again, except for when she was with a few friends.

Was this all it was meant to be? What and happened to the sacred vows we had made to one another, " to love and to cherish till death do us part"? They also say a man can fail at many things but will eventually rise, but the man who fails to please his wife is nothing but the shadow of a man. Could I then live the rest of my life as a shadow, knowing fully well that I could never again have her  tender love and embrace? The fact that she would never love me again was a certainty. I could see I in the language of her actions. Could I then vainly hope against this certainty? The only hope I now had was in the uncertain and one of life's greatest unknowns was that beyond the gates of Hades.

Still I lay on my bed, but now I ponder on the people and the processions to be at my funeral. I think of my friends and family: those who will wail the loudest. I think of the eulogy to be presented; of how they will declare me a philanthropist and how they are aggrieved by my sudden death. HYPOCRITES! In life they are your worst enemies but at your death they are your dearest friends.

A handful of pills I took is starting to have effect. My body is in unbearable pain but my mind is at peace. In a short time my great secret will be a secret no longer. Soon I will leave this world for the next. Like all great explorers I am full of both exhilaration and fear. One thing is certain though, it has begun and this is my moment......... My moment of peace and self-fulfillment because for once I will not fail.

 Peter Zowa (Zimbabwe)


  1. Sad.It hurts when someone you love the most betrays your love.You loose that will,that will to exist.Your story sounds familiar,i feel it,i know what he is going through.Touched.

  2. A good read.I enjoyed it.

  3. its a sad reality that you have potrayed mr poet, moving piece, there is so much in your words, that translates to tears as i read it. Once again, great poetry