It all began, my imagination ran wild. A thousand thoughts pierced through my cerebral cortex. Even more images flashed before my eyes. Finally it was here, this was my moment.
I could not help but smile as a chill ran down my spine plaguing my whole body with goosebumps and sending it into shiver. I thought of the past and the uncertainty of the future. Even as I pondered, I could not help but smile. I lay on my bed gazing at the ceiling yet my thoughts were beyond the stars. The silence of the room suited me perfectly and the secret that I held gave me a sense of power.
They say the truth shall set you free yet it had held me bondage. The day I had found it out was the day my soul was shattered into bits like the pieces of a broken mirror. Chains of misery, despair, fear and depression held me tight, keeping me prisoner in my own body night and day. How I had rued that moment, preferring ignorance. But as I look back at it now, it had truly been my liberator. Life has always dealt me a heavy hand. This I thought had changed when I met her. Her smile captivated me and soon enough we were married. Things unfortunately did not change. A series of job retrenchments and failures left her doubting the very essence of my manhood. One affair after another followed. The day I caught her in the act felt like the end of the world. She, however, had no shame, no remorse. I didn't file for divorce, I loved her and because of it I soldiered on. As the years of our marriage dragged on, so did the gradual diminish of our love until it became a mutual form of co-existence. I never saw her smile again, except for when she was with a few friends.
Was this all it was meant to be? What and happened to the sacred vows we had made to one another, " to love and to cherish till death do us part"? They also say a man can fail at many things but will eventually rise, but the man who fails to please his wife is nothing but the shadow of a man. Could I then live the rest of my life as a shadow, knowing fully well that I could never again have her tender love and embrace? The fact that she would never love me again was a certainty. I could see I in the language of her actions. Could I then vainly hope against this certainty? The only hope I now had was in the uncertain and one of life's greatest unknowns was that beyond the gates of Hades.
Still I lay on my bed, but now I ponder on the people and the processions to be at my funeral. I think of my friends and family: those who will wail the loudest. I think of the eulogy to be presented; of how they will declare me a philanthropist and how they are aggrieved by my sudden death. HYPOCRITES! In life they are your worst enemies but at your death they are your dearest friends.
A handful of pills I took is starting to have effect. My body is in unbearable pain but my mind is at peace. In a short time my great secret will be a secret no longer. Soon I will leave this world for the next. Like all great explorers I am full of both exhilaration and fear. One thing is certain though, it has begun and this is my moment......... My moment of peace and self-fulfillment because for once I will not fail.
Peter Zowa (Zimbabwe)
I could not help but smile as a chill ran down my spine plaguing my whole body with goosebumps and sending it into shiver. I thought of the past and the uncertainty of the future. Even as I pondered, I could not help but smile. I lay on my bed gazing at the ceiling yet my thoughts were beyond the stars. The silence of the room suited me perfectly and the secret that I held gave me a sense of power.
They say the truth shall set you free yet it had held me bondage. The day I had found it out was the day my soul was shattered into bits like the pieces of a broken mirror. Chains of misery, despair, fear and depression held me tight, keeping me prisoner in my own body night and day. How I had rued that moment, preferring ignorance. But as I look back at it now, it had truly been my liberator. Life has always dealt me a heavy hand. This I thought had changed when I met her. Her smile captivated me and soon enough we were married. Things unfortunately did not change. A series of job retrenchments and failures left her doubting the very essence of my manhood. One affair after another followed. The day I caught her in the act felt like the end of the world. She, however, had no shame, no remorse. I didn't file for divorce, I loved her and because of it I soldiered on. As the years of our marriage dragged on, so did the gradual diminish of our love until it became a mutual form of co-existence. I never saw her smile again, except for when she was with a few friends.
Was this all it was meant to be? What and happened to the sacred vows we had made to one another, " to love and to cherish till death do us part"? They also say a man can fail at many things but will eventually rise, but the man who fails to please his wife is nothing but the shadow of a man. Could I then live the rest of my life as a shadow, knowing fully well that I could never again have her tender love and embrace? The fact that she would never love me again was a certainty. I could see I in the language of her actions. Could I then vainly hope against this certainty? The only hope I now had was in the uncertain and one of life's greatest unknowns was that beyond the gates of Hades.
Still I lay on my bed, but now I ponder on the people and the processions to be at my funeral. I think of my friends and family: those who will wail the loudest. I think of the eulogy to be presented; of how they will declare me a philanthropist and how they are aggrieved by my sudden death. HYPOCRITES! In life they are your worst enemies but at your death they are your dearest friends.
A handful of pills I took is starting to have effect. My body is in unbearable pain but my mind is at peace. In a short time my great secret will be a secret no longer. Soon I will leave this world for the next. Like all great explorers I am full of both exhilaration and fear. One thing is certain though, it has begun and this is my moment......... My moment of peace and self-fulfillment because for once I will not fail.
Peter Zowa (Zimbabwe)
